I wish my husband was more involved in our girls’ lives. What are some suggestions I can offer him and how can I encourage him to get involved?
Many fathers want to be involved but just simply don’t know what to do. Maybe they didn’t grow up with a sister in the house or this is their first daughter. The task of figuring out a girl is a daunting one for most men/fathers! We women are complex and our daughters are little versions of us. Here are a few suggestions to help dads on their way.
1. Take your daughter on a date. Call her on the phone (she will love that) and ask her out. Tell her the day, you would like to taker her out, and what time to be ready. Leave the house a few minutes before your date (without her), knock on the door and pick her up. Now go have fun! Show her how a girl should be treated on a date. There are different variations of this. You don’t have to go through all of the above steps. Just ask her what she wants to do and then go. You can make suggestions, as to where she might want to go, but let her in on the decision. It can be something as simple as going to get ice cream or as formal as going to a play. You don’t even have to spend money. Go to the park and feed the ducks, go for a bike ride or go hiking and take a picnic lunch. Be creative! One caution here…if you have more than one daughter, take them out individually if possible. They need that one-on-one time with their daddy.
2. Look for opportunities for father/daughter events such as at church or in a community setting. Many recreational centers have a father/daughter Valentine’s dance. Southeast Christian will be having their Father/Daughter Luau on April 3, 2011.
3. Find a sport you can do with your daughter. Take your daughter out to play 9 holes, go shoot hoops, kick the soccer ball around etc. Once again, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Your goal is to just spend time with her.
Here is a useful article from Focus on the Family which has some fun ideas for father/daughter dates -read article-
More than anything, let your husband know how much his relationship with his daughter matters.
How important is the father/daughter relationship?
I cannot over emphasize the importance of a father’s role in his daughter life. A father’s behavior has enormous power over his daughter’s tender heart. A father’s love, or lack thereof, shapes his daughters view of herself as well as of men in general. Even more important, her father’s love shapes her view of God. If a father is cold and unloving, his daughter may see God, her heavenly Father, as the same. If her father let’s her down, will God do the same? The way a husband treats his wife can also shape his daughter’s view of men. If the husband is mean or abusive, in anyway, to his wife, his daughter may wonder why she would ever marry if this is how she will be treated by her husband.
Dads, if you are reading this, do you see what a huge role your love and involvement plays in your daughter’s life? It is your responsibility to model Christ-like behavior to your families. Christ showed love and compassion to everyone and treated women with respect. You want your daughters to know that you are crazy about them and that so is their heavenly Father.
I want to make a very important statement to all you dads so please listen. If your daughter does not get the love and attention she needs from you, she will seek it out elsewhere. She needs to feel special and to be told how beautiful and valuable she is. She needs to know that her daddy thinks these things about her. As her father, you are also showing her how she should be treated in a dating relationship. If you have shown her respect and love, she will know how a boy should treat her.
I know that there are no perfect fathers here on earth. However, you can be a great dad to your little princess by just being her dad! Understand that the small things count…tell her how much you love her and how proud you are of her. Spend time with her (see the above question for suggestions for a father/daughter date). Do things for her like build that shelf in her room that she has been begging you to do. If you’re not handy, enlist her help. It may not be perfect but you did it together. Trust me…your wanting to help an spend time with her will mean the world to her. Ask her about her plans for the future (even little girls “know” what they want to be when they grow up). Involve her in the making of decisions. If you disagree, explain to her your reasons but let her know that her input is important.
The benefits of a healthy father/daughter relationship include:
- By letting her know she is special and can achieve what she sets her mind to, a father helps his daughter build self-confidence and self-reliance
- Girls with actively engaged fathers are less likely to experience depression, get pregnant outside of marriage, have body image issues as well as abuse alcohol or drugs.
- An involved father teaches his daughter achievement, assertiveness and self-worth
- Helps his daughter relate to herself and others and determines the type of family she will create one day
- Teach their daughters leadership, humility and courage (Healing Hearts and Family, 2008)