Questions and Answers


Our Daughter's Changing Body

Q: I want to talk to my daughter about her changing body and sex. Can you recommend some Christian resources that would help?
A: Most girls begin to experience changes in their bodies between the ages of 8 and 13 with some sooner and some later. Puberty can be an exciting time but can also be frightening and confusing. Girls wonder what is happening to their bodies and also wonder if others are experiencing the same changes. For a parent (usually mom does the talking but not always), it can be a scary subject to approach.  -read more-

Q: Help!! I don’t know how to start the conversation with my daughter and what to say when I do.
A: This can be a scary subject to approach especially if our own mother’s made it hard for us to ask questions about our changing bodies. Keep in mind that our daughter’s truly don’t know about these issues and want someone they can ask without being afraid of embarrassment.  Here are a few suggestions to help you get started... -read more-


Making Friends and Girl Drama

Q: My daughter is struggling to make friends. How can I help her?
A: This is an issue that most moms face at one point or another in raising our girls. It is also a heart wrenching one as it’s hard to see our daughters struggling. The good news is that there are some things you can do to help her! There are many resources out there that discuss this very subject. One of the most helpful... -read more-

Q: Girl Drama!!! What’s a mom to do???
A: Where you have girls, you will have drama. If this isn’t a Chinese proverb, it should be! Seriously, we moms often really struggle with this in our homes and it makes dads want to go hide. Understanding girl drama starts with a definition. -read more-


Dads and Daughters

Q: I wish my husband was more involved in our girls’ lives. What are some suggestions I can offer him and how can I encourage him to get involved?
A: Many fathers want to be involved but just simply don’t know what to do. Maybe they didn’t grow up with a sister in the house or this is their first daughter. The task of figuring out a girl is a daunting one for most men/fathers! We women are complex and our daughters are little versions of us. Here are a few suggestions to help dads on their way. -read more-

Q: How important is the father/daughter relationship?
A: I cannot over emphasize the importance of a father’s role in his daughter life. A father’s behavior has enormous power over his daughter’s tender heart. A father’s love, or lack thereof, shapes his daughters view of herself as well as of men in general. Even more important, her father’s love shapes her view of God. -read more-


Dating and Purity

Q: My daughter wants to start dating. Are there any guidelines for this?
A: Dating can be an exciting time for our daughters and a terrifying time for moms/dads! What we parents need to realize is that today’s dating scene is radically different from when we were dating. I don’t have to tell you how much times have changed. Premarital sex is rampant among both Christians and non-Christians. Throw in peer pressure, binge drinking and societies message of “if it feels good do it” and you have a recipe that won’t taste too great. -read more-

Q: How can I help my daughter understand the importance of staying pure until she is married? There is so much pressure in the world today to have sex outside of marriage.
A: We live in an “anything goes” world and our teens are bombarded from all sides with sexual temptation and the message premarital sex is just what people do and that there is nothing wrong with it. Put those messages alongside God’s word and teachings from parents/ church etc. and it’s no wonder our daughters are so confused. -read more-


Cutting

Q: I think my daughter might be cutting herself. What exactly is considered cutting and why would she do this to herself?
A: Cutting is becoming a big problem in our society with teenagers (mostly girls but guys also exhibit the behavior). It has even been deemed, in some professional circles, as the “New Anorexia”. Cutting is considered to be a Self Injury or Self Destructive disorder. -read more-

Q: If my child is cutting herself, what should I do and how can I get her help?
A: When a parent discovers that their child is cutting herself, they are shocked and want to blame themselves as parents. This reaction is perfectly normal but blaming ourselves, at this time, is not helping our child. Please remember that cutting is a sign of a deeper, more serious issue and a cry for help. -read more-

Ministries at SeRocks

Q: How can I get my daughter involved in SeRocks and the girl’s ministry?
A: SeRocks offers many activities and events, throughout the year, for kids in 5th thru 12th grades. “Have you ever thought church was boring? It doesn’t have to be and SeRocks provides an alternative to the drab, outdated recollections you have about church. Join us every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday for an unforgettable experience that is relevant to you, right where you are in life and inspire you to go deeper in your walk with God and His son, Jesus Christ." -read more-


When your daughter won't talk to you

Q: “Why won’t she talk to me?” Why our daughter’s won’t seem to open up to us and tell us what is going on in their lives.
A: So many times, we moms (especially ones with teenagers) wonder why our daughter(s) is shutting us out. We used to have such a close relationship and she would tell us everything. Now, however, she seems so quiet and distant and we are left to wonder “what happened”. -read more-

Q: What can we do to be better listeners and have our girls talk to us again?
A: When our girls talk to us, are we truly listening or are we distracted? As Shellenberger & Gowler point out, God has gifted us moms with the ability to seriously multitask. We can be cooking dinner, writing notes for our day tomorrow and folding laundry all at the same time. -read more-


Depression

Q: I think my daughter might be depressed? How can I tell?
A: Depression is a serious, yet often, misunderstood illness. Yes, I said illness. Depression is no different than any other illness. It is a chemical imbalance, in the brain, that a person cannot control. Unfortunately, depression has long carried a stigma but this needs to change. I speak from personal experience.  -read more-

Q: I’m pretty sure my daughter is suffering from depression. Where to I go from here and how do I get help?
A: First off, let me tell you there is hope! There many resources available today to help individuals who are suffering from this scary and often debilitating illness. The first thing you daughter needs is you. Imagine how frightened you would be, as an adult, if you were experiencing feelings that you didn’t understand. -read more-


Boundaries

Q: Is it important to set boundaries with our preteen/teen daughter?
A: The simple is answer is yes...however, setting and enforcing them can be a challenge. Rules (i.e. boundaries) are a fact of life that every person faces. Boundaries are in place to keep us safe such as speed limits and expiration dates. The same holds true for our our daughters. Our role as parents is to keep our girls safe and setting boundaries is part of that. They need to know that we love them no matter what and because we do, we set boundaries. Just as societal rules are sometimes not popular, so are boundaries with our kids. -read more-

Q: How do I set boundaries and how do I decide which areas to set them?
A: In her article for Focus on The Family, Tiffany Stuart (2008) likens setting boundaries to a door. When we open the door to give our teens the appropriate amount of freedom, we allow them to make their own decisions and experience life’s lessons of success and failure. The door may need to be closed a little or shut completely if you feel trust has been broken. You can reopen the door, a little or a lot, whenever you feel she is ready.  -read more-